How to Win Friends and Influence People — A Deep Dive (Part 1)
· Meaningful Blog
Last post we spoke about being a product driven organization and exposed how it all started, with a book 📚
We aim for people to have the tools needed that help nurture more meaningful relations with their family, friends, close acquaintances and why not also workplace connections.
Our desire is to create an universal environment where real human connections are able to grow. In the end we are all governed by a handful of instinctual desires — at our core we are mammals with feelings. 🐰
Why You Should Read This Book
One thing we realized is that we didn't do the book justice in our first post. So here's a more in-depth summary of why you should definitely read "How to Win Friends and Influence People".
In a nutshell: it's not about you, it's about others and validating them. 🌰
This book is not a manual for manipulation. Feigned interest is transparent and repulsive.
It is a manual for applied empathy.
The entire methodology rests on a single, fundamental truth: humans are driven by a profound, non-negotiable desire to feel important. ✨
To influence, you must stop asserting your own ego and instead, actively and genuinely validate the ego of the other person. Influence is not won; it is conceded by the other party because you have successfully aligned with their deepest psychological needs.
Part 1: Fundamental Techniques (The Prerequisite)
You cannot build if you are actively demolishing. These are non-negotiable rules of engagement. 🚧
Cease assaults on ego: do not criticize, condemn, or complain. It is futile. ❌
Criticism puts a person on the defensive, triggers resentment, and closes their mind. It is a direct attack on their need for importance.
Replace criticism with genuine appreciation: all people crave validation (not flattery, which is cheap and obvious). Find what is genuinely commendable and state it. This provides the psychological "food" they crave.
Example
❌ Incorrect: "I need you to finish this report by Friday."
✅ Correct: "Your analysis on these reports is crucial for the team's presentation next week; you're the only one who can frame this data properly."
Part 1 of 2 — continue reading in Part 2